Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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