he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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