This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
