I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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