where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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