So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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