why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
