time to smoke my breakfast
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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