Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's official drugs can't kill me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
