More tranny stories later!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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