She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
