wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
