I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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