you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
