Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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