Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
