i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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