idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
