I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
