My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize