i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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