just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
