you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
