Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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