Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize