She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
