had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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