saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
