She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
