Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
