I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
