She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
