ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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