i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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