I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
