i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
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Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I deserve this hangover.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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