He asked me if I "almost moaned"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
