so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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