the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
