Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
