i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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