i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
