I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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