Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
