Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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