I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
