shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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