we made out on top of his cat.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
