I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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