i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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