trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
