We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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