It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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