Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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