It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
