It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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