i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
