You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
