i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
