i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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