we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
