I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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