come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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