i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
