This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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