I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
