apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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